The End of an era, the beginning of a new version of myself. Tonight is the last full moon of the decade for 2010 – 2020. (I know some people think it’s all bull shit, but I’m all about it). Now I know I am not the only one who is like WTF was 2019?! I took this time to reflect, as it’s a great chance to really manifest and visualise where I see the next 10 years.
If you’re like me, I can’t stand the question “Where do you see yourself in 5 years?”… I don’t even know what I am doing for dinner tomorrow night, let alone what I will be doing in 5 years, shit – let alone 10 years! But, I can always have some kind of a vision of where I would like to be. You can’t plan anything in life. It can change so rapidly right before your eyes, that even going to Spec Savers can’t help you see your future.
I swear in the last few blogs I have said it’s going to be a vulnerable one… And I’ll say it again - this blog is a little vulnerable… I don’t know if it’s now that I am single maybe I think it will deter the men, but you know what? My future husband will love me for who I am, so I’ll post it anyway (give no f**ks baby gal)! I guess that’s the blogger in me that just writes whatever, yet every time I do a blog post, I find it’s the personal blogs that connect to my audience the most. I think we all go through so much shit that’s the same-same but different, yet we are too afraid to share out loud, but like to know that we aren’t in it alone. Correct me if I am wrong.
The last 12-18 months have been some of the hardest months. I’ve learnt so damn much, I’ve grown so much and I am stronger than I ever was. If I look at the last decade from where I was and to where I thought I would be, I honestly never would have thought that I would end 2019 single, living on the Gold Coast and in a new job.
If you’re an OG reader of my blogs (or you know me personally) you’ll know that it’s no secret that leaving flying was the hardest decision I had to make. I still do this day grieve that part of my life, and I am slowly letting go and hoping that one day maybe, I can be back in the skies, but also accepting that it is what it is and I am maybe destined for something else just as amazing!
10 years ago, I lost my beautiful Nan who was the anchor to our family, she was my best friend and it was the hardest loss that I’ve ever had. I just graduated school, I moved out of home, while studying fashion and textile whilst working in fashion retail and beauty, and exploring many other job opportunities, including having my own business. I then moved with my high school sweetheart from our home town of Launceston, Tasmania to the beautiful Sunshine Coast, I went through so many hurdles that helped shape me into the woman I am today, I changed my cars more than I did my underwear (not really, but you know), I got my dream job ( after many failed attempts) as a Flight Attendant, I was presented with amazing opportunities and met so many amazing people - people who are I am grateful are still in my life and people who were passing by to teach me lessons. I entered my first beauty pageant which showed me how kind and supportive my community on the Sunshine Coast were and the Sunshine Coast will forever be my home. After 4 years on the Coast, we moved to Brisbane, I got diagnosed with a chronic “illness” and health conditions that I had to learn how to manage, I had to make the decision to leave flying. After nearly 2 years in Brisbane, I admitted to myself that I fell out of love after almost 10 years and decided to leave, which meant that I had to start my life from scratch on my own and lost a beautiful friendship after 13 years.
If you had asked me back in 2010 where I thought I would be in 10 years, I would have said I would be if not married, at least engaged by now and or though majority of my friends were settling down, kids were not on the agenda for me, before 30 anyway. I would have said I would still be flying for an amazing airline, living my dream job as an International Business Flight Attendant and travelling the world, pretty much just living a completely different life to the one I am living now! I would never have imagined having a chronic condition that at times can be debilitating and challenging. I never would have imagined moving to Brisbane, but once I did – I thought I would be based there for a little longer than 2 years. I certainly would have never even imagined living on the Gold Coast and living in a share house again (which by the way – I have the best roomies, so that’s a bonus!).
The challenges I have faced in the last 12-18 months have been f**king hard, I’m not going to lie. I had to make some of the biggest and hardest decisions in my life to this date. It's also showed me who my true friends are and that distance between friends doesn't matter when you know they're only a phone or text away. I had to start fresh, which meant living with a nightmare of a roommate whilst in the middle of my separation and trying to figure out where or what my next move was going to be, or what the right move was! I had to break the heart of my best friend who I thought would be the guy that I marry and grow old with. I moved twice within in the space of 6 months, and one of those moves being a complete sea change. I left my dream job and took a massive pay cut and for the first time, I had to be selfish. I had to put myself, my health and my happiness first. I have never sacrificed so much all at once and I know it will be worth it. I am so much happier now.
New Years for me has always been over rated, am I right? It’s an excuse to just get wild and watch fire works! 2017/18 was the first New Years that I had not been overseas (for work) in 4 years. It was also the biggest wake up call for me, it was that epiphany that I needed! I never really did anything big for New Years, and last New Year’s, I was in bed 5 minutes after midnight! This year, I am turning it up! I am heading out with the girls, and I can’t bloody wait to see in the New Year on a positive vibe and possibly a sore head and a very hungover New Year’s Day!
2019 was a huge year of finding my feet on the ground (literally). I know this year has been a ‘WTF’ year for most. But I know that 2020 is going to be f**king amazing and while it’s the end of an era, it’s the start of an even better one that’s to come! Just you watch…
Keep a positive mindset, always. That’s so important. Don’t be afraid to put yourself first.
Cheers to a happy f**king New Year! Let’s go out with a BANG!!!!!
Love, D x
2019, bye Felicia.